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Just SHOW UP!!

Updated: Dec 16, 2020

JUST SHOW UP


He hung up on me!

Often.


And he pissed me off.

He made me cry.

He held the line and I pouted like a little brat and I love him for all of it.


I remember I had the audacity to take a 90 day leadership course during the tail end of an abusive relationship. Ballsy huh?


I was stressed to the hilt in an unhappy marriage, twisted to the point of breaking in a high pressure job I hated. My ex said I would blow a blood vessel in my forehead and stroke out from all the screaming at everyone I did. I was a harpy….


I remember crying one day about how I hated my job. When he asked me what I wanted to do, I said I wanted to be a paramedic.


That is all I said. I wanted to. I became an EMT making shit money but I was happier, yet I still played the “one day” game.


A few years later I was working as an EMT, 5 kids at home, crazy cheating wildin ass husband with a heavy hadn and along comes this 90 day leadership class (comes with a team, a coach, a partner and...GOALS!!). I WAS SOLD!


I had no idea what I was getting myself into.


In no way was I prepared for the depth of which I would look into my soul nor the amount of love it would take for my coach to get me there.


I went in to this work in a state of terrible self esteem and self doubt. I did not have the ability to say no, saw obstacles and rules in every situation and I was STUBBORN.


I remember Cary asking me about my personal goal (because I cleverly worked on the other three first and most often) and this goal was so big in my heart that i avoided it.


Morning call:

Carey: Let’s talk about your goal?


Me: which one?