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Just SHOW UP!!

Updated: Dec 16, 2020

JUST SHOW UP


He hung up on me!

Often.


And he pissed me off.

He made me cry.

He held the line and I pouted like a little brat and I love him for all of it.


I remember I had the audacity to take a 90 day leadership course during the tail end of an abusive relationship. Ballsy huh?


I was stressed to the hilt in an unhappy marriage, twisted to the point of breaking in a high pressure job I hated. My ex said I would blow a blood vessel in my forehead and stroke out from all the screaming at everyone I did. I was a harpy….


I remember crying one day about how I hated my job. When he asked me what I wanted to do, I said I wanted to be a paramedic.


That is all I said. I wanted to. I became an EMT making shit money but I was happier, yet I still played the “one day” game.


A few years later I was working as an EMT, 5 kids at home, crazy cheating wildin ass husband with a heavy hadn and along comes this 90 day leadership class (comes with a team, a coach, a partner and...GOALS!!). I WAS SOLD!


I had no idea what I was getting myself into.


In no way was I prepared for the depth of which I would look into my soul nor the amount of love it would take for my coach to get me there.


I went in to this work in a state of terrible self esteem and self doubt. I did not have the ability to say no, saw obstacles and rules in every situation and I was STUBBORN.


I remember Cary asking me about my personal goal (because I cleverly worked on the other three first and most often) and this goal was so big in my heart that i avoided it.


Morning call:

Carey: Let’s talk about your goal?


Me: which one?


Carey: *silence*


Me: Hello?


Carey: Really?


Me: well….


Carey: Ok how much does it cost and how long will school be? How much do Paramedics get paid?


(notice he said Paramedic. I still didn’t say anything”


Me: Uhm. I’m not sure


Carey: *click*


I blinked a few times. Did he just hang up on me? I was honestly too chicken shit to call him back but I did. I mean, (insert a thousand reasons), I couldn’t quit. (Or could I)


I called him back. He answered. Said nothing. I said ( like a little kid ) HULLOW?


Carey: It’s your goal and you know less than I do. How bad do you want it?


I wanted it real bad. He edged me into discovery and time and again I made big obstacles out of little tasks. Like not having a computer to put an interest letter in to my employer. I was so caught up on the fact that i couldn’t get to a computer to write a nice letter while I was on shift that I would have let the opportunity pass me by to be sponsored by my company all over what the letter looked like. I wrote that bitch on a piece of printer paper on the hood of my ambulance in 120 degree heat in the parking lot on a friday evening at 5 oclock to shove it under a door.


I didn’t hear from them right away. It took a few weeks. It broke my heart a little but I learned to be brave and to stop thinking about the moving parts so much and focus on where I was headed and take steps to it.


I got hung up on alot. I learned to be clear and concise and speak what I mean and not to play victim.


Some twist of fate aligned things for me, because a student dropped from the program just days before it started. I got a phone call on a friday asking if I still wanted sponsorship. I said, “What do I gotta do?”


Show up, he said.


Ha.


How poetic.


SHOW. UP!


I ended up rolling into class late (like the diva I am) with a coffee and a pile of books they sent me to get. I didn’t have to take the entrance exam, or go on a wait list, or sign a contract. All I had to do is show up.


Sometimes it be like that when you JUST SHOW UP!!



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LOCATED:

St. George, Utah

Las Vegas, Nevada

Tel: (435) 261-3311

​karmaondeck702@gmail.com

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